Category Archives: Personal

Weekend disappointment and failures

It is silly to feel as despondent as I do. Especially since I am as fortunate as I am — my family is healthy and happy and provided for, we have all we need, and we even got to go to a fantastic event like the California Strawberry Festival. But I am despondent. Why? Because I lost my photos. Continue reading

Looking forward

I feel a little like the stock market today — ending flat after a somewhat volatile year. There were highs — Trinity got a raise and a title promotion, we celebrated our blue moon anniversary, Michael started kindergarten — but they seemed tempered by the lows — sky high rents and the decision to hold off on moving, not saving as much as we anticipated when Mike went to kindergarten, then the rent hike.

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A friend and I joke a lot about the overuse of the hashtag #blessed. You see it a lot throughout the year under pictures that are cunningly shot and edited, showing how great that person’s life is, whether it be a photo of a new baby, a newly purchased home or even a scene from a fantastic vacation.

Well, I would like to share how blessed I am too.

My family has a razor-thin margin for error, financially, this year. The usual boy shenanigans, like tearing up shoes so much and so quickly are especially aggravating because we don’t have much in the budget for clothes. I’ve only been able to buy a few pieces of clothing or shoes here and there with the little I earn from the advertising on my blogs. — with a lot of guilt, because my kids need clothes, too. And Trinity has literally bought nothing for himself in the past two years. Getting McDonald’s has become a treat for me! because we have to be so careful about not eating out too often. I was so bummed when it became obvious we would not be able to hold a party for Mikey’s 5th birthday — the first birthday he’s wanted to actually have a party. We splurged on a Christmas tree this year, but that’s been our only concession to the holidays. And I nearly burst into tears when I dropped my phone in a parking lot, shattering the screen. Pieces are literally still coming off it. (I got it fixed last night. Thank goodness for Adsense payments.)

(None of this is due to any fault of ours, unless you count having a surprise third baby or experiencing a layoff in the family a couple of years ago as mistakes. And there are people who do, but I’m not one of those people.)

But I am blessed. It’s been a difficult year, there’s no argument about it. But with all the difficulties, I’ve seen the blessings. Got a third baby you weren’t planning to have and really can’t afford? That just means I have another little snuggly human to cuddle for another 3, 4 years, or however fast it takes him to lose his snuggly chunkiness and take off running every time I come looking for a hug. In the midst of daycare/preschool bankruptcy for at least till next fall? Thank God my husband and I have jobs to pay for my kids’ care and that we like and trust our kids’ caregivers. Don’t much like the current residence? I’m still grateful we have a roof over our heads and central heating that sometimes works a little too well. Hankering for In-N-Out and can’t afford it? Well, I am simply thankful we’ve got food in the refrigerator and freezer. Lamenting an inability to go out and buy Christmas gifts for the kids? I’m still weepy, thinking of how my sisters, brother, my church family and my friend Iliki have come through with gifts for my boys. My husband and I have working cars, we’re all in good health and we’re all together. Really, there’s nothing more I need than that right at this moment.

#blessed. Yes, I’m not in a place where I can buy a home, or go on vacation or even buy a brown pair of boots. But I’m so blessed and so thankful and grateful — not only for all that I have right now, but for this experience, so that when I am able to do those other things, I’ll value it that much more.

So, farewell 2014, and thank you for my Elliott. 2015, let’s make some new things happen.

Third baby, third hospital

This is a blog post I’ve been meaning to write for a good month now. I feel like I can write from a more solid point-of-view now that Elliott is officially a month old this week, and will be five weeks old on Monday. He just had his month-old visit, and the pediatrician said he’s doing great — Elliott is on the cusp of 6 pounds, gaining at a rate of more than an ounce a day. Plus, he’s already turning his head and raising it, so he’s got that neck strength going on. As for sleeping, he’s doing better than I would have predicted — he goes down without too much protest at about 11 p.m. or midnight, and I generally have to wake up to feed him at 3 a.m. and 6 a.m. Speaking as a third-time mom, that’s pretty damn good four weeks in, y’all.

elliott sleeping

What I am writing about specifically is how my birthing and hospital experience went this third go-round. And it’s definitely a mixed review.

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