Tag Archives: New Year

#blessed

A friend and I joke a lot about the overuse of the hashtag #blessed. You see it a lot throughout the year under pictures that are cunningly shot and edited, showing how great that person’s life is, whether it be a photo of a new baby, a newly purchased home or even a scene from a fantastic vacation.

Well, I would like to share how blessed I am too.

My family has a razor-thin margin for error, financially, this year. The usual boy shenanigans, like tearing up shoes so much and so quickly are especially aggravating because we don’t have much in the budget for clothes. I’ve only been able to buy a few pieces of clothing or shoes here and there with the little I earn from the advertising on my blogs. — with a lot of guilt, because my kids need clothes, too. And Trinity has literally bought nothing for himself in the past two years. Getting McDonald’s has become a treat for me! because we have to be so careful about not eating out too often. I was so bummed when it became obvious we would not be able to hold a party for Mikey’s 5th birthday — the first birthday he’s wanted to actually have a party. We splurged on a Christmas tree this year, but that’s been our only concession to the holidays. And I nearly burst into tears when I dropped my phone in a parking lot, shattering the screen. Pieces are literally still coming off it. (I got it fixed last night. Thank goodness for Adsense payments.)

(None of this is due to any fault of ours, unless you count having a surprise third baby or experiencing a layoff in the family a couple of years ago as mistakes. And there are people who do, but I’m not one of those people.)

But I am blessed. It’s been a difficult year, there’s no argument about it. But with all the difficulties, I’ve seen the blessings. Got a third baby you weren’t planning to have and really can’t afford? That just means I have another little snuggly human to cuddle for another 3, 4 years, or however fast it takes him to lose his snuggly chunkiness and take off running every time I come looking for a hug. In the midst of daycare/preschool bankruptcy for at least till next fall? Thank God my husband and I have jobs to pay for my kids’ care and that we like and trust our kids’ caregivers. Don’t much like the current residence? I’m still grateful we have a roof over our heads and central heating that sometimes works a little too well. Hankering for In-N-Out and can’t afford it? Well, I am simply thankful we’ve got food in the refrigerator and freezer. Lamenting an inability to go out and buy Christmas gifts for the kids? I’m still weepy, thinking of how my sisters, brother, my church family and my friend Iliki have come through with gifts for my boys. My husband and I have working cars, we’re all in good health and we’re all together. Really, there’s nothing more I need than that right at this moment.

#blessed. Yes, I’m not in a place where I can buy a home, or go on vacation or even buy a brown pair of boots. But I’m so blessed and so thankful and grateful — not only for all that I have right now, but for this experience, so that when I am able to do those other things, I’ll value it that much more.

So, farewell 2014, and thank you for my Elliott. 2015, let’s make some new things happen.

Wrapping up 2013

I wrote this two weeks ago and sat on it, wondering if maybe my feelings would change as I got closer to the new year. Nope not so much, but this is why New Year’s has always been so special to me. Here’s to a fresh start, new experiences and more joy with my growing family!

I am not in the habit about blogging about bad times, which is why I haven’t done a lot of blogging this year. Is it the year — 2013? — or was it just a series of unfortunate events? I don’t believe in giving a mere number such power, so I’m going to believe that this is just life — up and down.

When we started 2013, we were still in the middle of Trinity’s layoff. He was hired, thankfully, by the Orange County Register in March and is doing well there, but the glow of that small victory didn’t last long. In June, we were given 30-days notice to vacate our place in Ventura County (60 days in advance, but details). We had been looking for a new place since Trinity started at the Reg, but were not certain on where we should be — we looked from Burbank to Rosemead to Montebello, a large swath, if you’re familiar with Southern California geography. While the 30-day notice was not ideal, it did light a fire under us, and we finally decided to focus on the San Fernando Valley, to keep the boys near their daycare and cut down on the number of things we had to find that summer. We moved into our new place in August, and a month later, I discovered we were expecting our third baby.

I was an emotional wreck over this, I hate to admit. I had been so certain we were done having kids, that I’d given away all my early baby gear — clothes, playpen with changing table, bassinet, Boppy pillow — donated my maternity clothes and sold my breast pump. The little bit of money we’d save when Chris went from infant to toddler status at his daycare was going to be earmarked for a new used car for Trinity, who has been running his car ragged on hard commutes, first to West LA and now into the heart of Orange County. Public school — and the end of paying daycare tuition — seemed close enough to touch. And then not one, but two pregnancy tests confirmed we were expecting a third. Gut check.

It occurred to me this morning that this is life. Life has its good times and bad times, its hard parts and easy parts, but in the end, even a life that was mostly hard is usually remembered as a good life overall. Life also doesn’t always go as planned, and as I grappled with the idea of having a third baby, I purposely avoided my favorite Scripture, Proverbs 16:9 — “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

But my kids have been an inspiration, now that I’ve settled down and have come to terms with this pregnancy. Michael, especially. As they say, a little child shall lead them. I coached Mike in telling my family about the new baby, I fully admit it. At the time, I don’t think he really understood what he was saying, but as the pregnancy has progressed, we have been talking to him about his new baby brother more and more and I think it has been sinking in. He got truly excited when we showed him our latest ultrasound pictures and the DVD at my 20-week appointment. He is now asking me to take out his new baby brother and that he wants to see him NOW. I tell him that his new baby brother is still growing, so now, if asked about where his new baby brother is, Mike says, “he’s still growing.”

It is so inspiring to me. Mike isn’t worried at all about the thought of a new baby brother — he’s not worrying about money, or time, or stuff; not worried about any loss of love, or toys or food, or whatever. He’s just thrilled at the idea of another brother, with no concern for provision. It’s been a lesson to me, to stop worrying and to trust that God will provide. Jesus did say, after all, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3)

So, to summarize 2013 — it’s been a tough year, but I’ll mostly remember the good times, God planned this baby, so God will provide for him and for our family. Happy new year!

Hello, world. It’s now 2013.

If you know me or have read my blog for any length of time, you’ll know that New Year’s is my favorite holiday. It’s a sort of tradition in my family — we always spent New Year’s Eve together. Plus, there’s always been something special and exciting about celebrating the new year — you know, it being a fresh, new year. And I’ve always said every year is better than the last.

This, however, is the first year I began with more than a little worry. 2012 was not the greatest year, in my opinion. I mean, 2011 sucked quite a bit in its own right, but at least that year I had Chris, who has been a joy and a blessing. For my family and I, 2012 was a year of tumultuous changes that we’re still navigating.

Considering all that, you’d think I’d be happy to bid 2012 farewell — and I am. But, 2012 has been so traumatizing, you could say I’m a little gun shy about looking forward to a new year.

New year changes

Today marks a new change for this blog. I’ve been contemplating it — its not like I don’t have content for it, but its more a lack of time that hinders me writing it. I seriously thought about changing the format of this blog to go straight tumblelog, but instead, I decided to adjust it so it views like a tumblelog — sort of lifestream microblogging. I still have to share some big stuff from the past few weeks — seriously, like 1st birthday parties and walking! — but for now, here’s a heads up on the changes. Happy new year!