Why are you still married?

Via Huffington Post, I stumbled on this Reddit thread asking Redditors, “why are you still married?” As I read through the comments, I can feel myself start to tear up. Because Trinity and I are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary, its a good question to ask myself. Why are you still married?

I can tell you this much: I was not a mooning teenage girl dreaming about planning my wedding. I didn’t thumb through bridal magazines — ever. Weddings, for me, were a tiring, grimy, logistics puzzle because I had to decorate them — not attend them or be in them. Add to that the never-ending drama of my parents’ non-amicable divorce, and you get a girl who dreamed of a fancy career as a globe-trotting journalist or author, rather than the perfect husband and the perfect kids. So, of course, I ended up being the FIRST among all my friends — even my high school friends — to get married. That, my friends, is irony.

How did we first meet? It makes me smile just thinking about it. I was the news editor on duty when Trinity first walked in to the Daily Titan, looking for someone to edit a story he was writing for the paper. I know this will sound silly, but I swear this happened — when I first saw him, my heart skipped a beat. That’s the only way I can describe the jolt I felt. And from then on, I was just always so nervous and jumpy around him. And, yes, I was his editor for the next two semesters. It was agony to be around him and I was only comfortable when we were on separate sides of the room — where I watched him surreptitiously over the edge of my computer monitor.

DSC00303We didn’t start dating until I left the Daily Titan. And that’s right about the time I actually left California temporarily — so the beginning of our relationship was a long-distance one. I honestly was not sure what was going to happen — I knew that long-distance relationships didn’t always work out, so I didn’t want to invest too much into Trinity. But I couldn’t help it. He was — is — such a great guy. As a result, half the weekends of my Phoenix internship were either spent in California or with friends from home, including Trinity.

Trinity and I had not even reached six months dating when I had to make a big decision — go on the already-accepted Knight Ridder rotating internship, which would send me to three different newspapers across the country over a year’s time, or take a full-time job and see where things go with Trinity? We all know how that decision went. I don’t remember if it was before or after this decision that Trinity told me he had prayed — he had asked God if he and I were supposed to be together. If not, I would go on the rotating internship. If we were supposed to be together, then I’d be offered a job here at home. Can’t argue with God.

Ten years of marriage has not been as epic romantic movie as our two years of dating. Together, we’ve made it through some major family drama, my mom’s death, and now, the birth and raising of three boys. Very honestly, I never thought I’d make it this long with anyone, so I’m in serious new territory.

IMG_7432But, I would like to make one thing unequivocally clear. We’ve made it to 10 years and will continue beyond because of Trinity. He is the most patient, kind and wise man I know. There are times I look at my own behavior and my emotional baggage and I wonder, “why did he want to marry me again?” If I’m at the receiving end of any hostility from other women while I’m with him, I kind of sympathize — the quality of a guy like Trinity is rare and seriously in high demand. I’m not the easiest person to be around, apparently — wha? I have no idea why — and Trinity never acts in a petty way. Suggestions or pronouncements some men might see as ball busting, Trinity actually considers seriously and discards or uses as he sees fit. And he’s not a sensitive weenie — Trinity is a guy’s guy who is truly considerate of women, especially his wife. And add all that to every time I see Trinity holding one of our boys, or reasoning with them over some issue, or wrestling with them — I think I fall in love with him all over again, and even more deeply.

I still don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a man, but I thank God every day that he chose me.

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