I had high hopes for my second go-round at giving birth. First off, I hoped giving birth would happen closer to my due date, which was Sept. 20. Then, I hoped that I would actually go into labor, and actually joked around with coworkers about working up until my water broke at work. I also hoped to give birth naturally (even with some concession to having an epidural, if the pain got really bad), because I did not have fond memories of recovering after my C-section with Michael.

So much for all my hopes. I never thought I’d be a multiple C-section mom, but here I am. As they say, the goal of every birth is a healthy mom and a healthy baby, so you gotta roll with the punches.

(And by the way, I know this is a little late, but when you have a newborn at home, you do what you can.)

Anyway, on Monday, Aug. 22, Trinity and Michael took me to the hospital for another non-stress test, after two close calls — I was nearly kept at the hospital each time before, but my blood pressure wasn’t as high as it could have been, and my doctor wanted to see if the baby would gain any weight a little closer to 36 weeks. Seeing as how Michael had nearly thrown a fit the last two times at the hospital, and to keep my blood pressure from skyrocketing, Trinity and I agreed that he would take Mikey to the mall to run around and play for a bit. They left, and Trinity promptly called me to tell me that Mikey had fallen asleep on the way, so he was going to just take him home for his nap.

While undergoing my non-stress test, my doctor came in to see me and ordered another sonogram for me — my second in three days, my third in less than a week — to check on the baby’s progress. In those three days, they determined the baby had only gained a few more ounces over a week. Seeing as how babies are supposed to gain their most weight in the last few weeks of pregnancy, my doctor determined that the baby was not thriving inside, so he might as well deliver me that night.

Last time around, when this happened, we weren’t prepared at all. This time, I was a little more prepared. I had my duffel bag with nightgowns and other clothes ready at home, and my toiletries just needed to be added, and the list of these toiletries was prepared in the drafts folder of my email, to which Trinity had access. We’d already decided to get our house cleaned that week to prepare for the baby’s homecoming. Newborn and preemie clothes (just in case) were already put away in Mikey’s old bureau/changing table, and Mikey’s clothes were put away in his new, 5-drawer dresser — thanks to his Ante! So I think we were as prepared as we were going to get.

The only thing was Mikey. I was not about to undergo another C-section without Trinity in the operating room, so what to do with Mikey? We called his Nana, who was able to get to the hospital after work in time to relieve Trinity and take Mikey home and put him to bed until Trinity could get home.

Happy parents!

I went into the hospital at about 11 a.m. and delivered Christopher at 8:20 p.m. This was my second C-section, of course, but there was a major difference this time around — I was fully conscious and not under any nasty drugs to keep me from seizing. I hardly remember anything from my C-section with Mikey, but remember the oddest details about this operation. For example, I remember someone pressing down painfully on my abdomen several times, presumably to help push the baby out, since I’d been carrying him pretty high. I also remember the chatter between the doctors and other operating room staff after Christopher and Trinity went off to the nursery — at one point, my doctor even peeked over the sheet blocking my view and said that since they were bullsh*tting, that’s how I should know everything was going well.

All in all, it was better than my first attempt at giving birth, but still not what I’d hoped for. This made people laugh, but about a week before having Christopher, I’d asked on Facebook what contractions felt like — in the hopes that maybe I’d been feeling contractions (but I wasn’t). The descriptions I was given didn’t really help me, but, ah well.

Now, it hasn’t even been a month, and people have been asking me if I was going to try for a girl next time. Um, how about I get past the toddler years with Mikey and then with Chris, then we can talk later? But to be quite honest, I’m OK with having two boys. Plus, I keep feeling like I’m failing at the whole pregnancy thing, since I can’t seem to carry a baby to term. Yes, yes, I know its not necessarily my fault, but you can’t help feeling that way.