Let me present some random thoughts of a second-time mom:
A Saturday in January: If Mikey’s napping, I need to nap too. Man, I’ve been napping a lot lately. Maybe its just because Michael’s more active now that he’s walking.
February: Hm, I wonder if I missed my period. Maybe its just late.
March: Before I switch back to normal birth-control pills, I should really take a pregnancy test, just to make sure…..Oh, crap.
April 12: (At my first prenatal appointment) I’m how many weeks??? 16??? Seriously? Oh, crap.
Yup. Michael’s going to have a little brother. Finding out I was pregnant again was a bit of a shock, even though Trinity and I had been talking about trying for our second sometime this year. But instead of starting to try again in September, we’re going to just have the baby in September. God has a heckuva sense of humor, see the scripture down below.
This baby literally snuck up on me. I mean, I barely finished nursing in January, a few weeks after Michael turned 1. (Although, when I stopped, he was no longer actually breastfeeding, I was just pumping and supplementing with formula. I didn’t want any issues with engorgement.) Now that I look back, it seems that my getting pregnant again may have been why my milk dropped.
Anyway, I’ve had all sorts of issues with this baby, but not really with the pregnancy itself. My issues have mostly been related to insurance and doctors.
First off, I called the doctor who delivered Michael about March 6 so I could make my first prenatal appointment, but was told I would have to get a referral to see Dr. Van Geem and that referral would have to explicitly say I can get treatment at Los Robles Hospital. That whole week I fretted and freaked about being unable to go back to Dr. Van Geem and additionally being barred from going to Los Robles Hospital (although insurance/medical groups are quick to say if you’re having an emergency, you should go to the nearest hospital). I even switched medical groups that included Dr. Van Geem in an effort to be able to go back to him. That was a complete failure — because I was now a new patient, I had to go in to see my new primary care physician and I couldn’t go in until April 1, which is when I was told I still couldn’t go back to Dr. Van Geem because he only delivered/treated out of Los Robles and that I still had to go to a Ob-Gyn out of Simi Valley or West Hills.
The next week, resigned to having HMO insurance that forces me to drive 25 minutes out of my way to go to Simi Valley Hospital (instead of Los Robles, which is literally 10 minutes away), I selected Simi OB and made an appointment for as soon as possible. The doctor I saw, a Dr. Murphy, started off our conversation in the worst way — by looking at my file, noting I previously delivered via C-section and pronouncing I would have to have a C-section again. No mention of, considering you previously had pre-eclampsia, or considering the issues you had last baby…nothing. Just, once a C-section, always a C-section. I ain’t having that (I don’t like my options being taken away from me so flippantly), so I have already requested a referral to another OB. What a disaster.
Besides the insurance/doctor issues, has been the issue of the sex of the baby. Last week, during my first ultrasound, we found out we’re having another boy. During the time between figuring out I was pregnant and when we found out, I’ll be honest — in my private prayers, I asked, above all, please give me a healthy baby — but Lord, I think I’d prefer a boy. Which is what happened last time, too. So in a way, I’m 2-2. :) But the way that everyone has been hoping for a girl for me — its really weird to me. I’d say, every other “congratulations” I got was followed by, “I hope its a girl this time!” And everyone who said this was a woman. No wonder there’s such a thing as gender disappointment. Its making me wonder, why is it I didn’t want a girl, when I already had a boy?
I see it this way.
I adore Michael. He is such a joy, I wonder if I’ve used up my coupons (to use my older sister’s term) in having a happy kid. And I think to myself, what if I get doubly lucky and have two boys who will likely end up being best buddies (considering their age gap)? I also remember my mom — she was so great to us, but wanted so badly to have a boy. (Was it my mom who really wanted a boy, or my dad? I’m not sure, but I remember my mom’s motto during that pregnancy being “Think Blue.”) And I also remember how much railing she did against us girls — justifiably. Girls are fun and possibly more well-behaved than boys when they’re young, but when they become teenagers ….excuse me, when they become tweens (thanks to our society’s oversexualization of little girls), that’s when you have to watch out. To me, boys are fun — they want to go out and do stuff (like I do!), and maybe my experience is skewed, but it seems like there is less stress when they’re teenagers. Also, I don’t dream or fantasize about dressing up little girls in frilly pink dresses, doing their hair or playing tea party. Maybe I had too much of that as child myself. Heck, getting married and having kids was not even something I hoped for myself while growing up.
The only thing that may have given me pause was the fact that we had a name ready for a girl (have had one ready since before Michael was conceived), but not for a second boy. Don’t worry, we’re working on that.