I’ve been mulling this post for a few weeks now. I didn’t do a end-of-the-year post, and I didn’t do a year-in-preview post this year, and it is sort of because I have been preoccupied with quite a few thoughts, plus busy to boot. But here I am, 10 years into this site, and just a few months later, I’ll have hit 30 years into life. So yeah. I’ve been kind of philosophical the last couple of weeks.I’m still very ambivalent when it comes to this site. You may think this is funny, but I still cringe when I’m told people read my site or are discussing it. I’m used to simply being the crazy girl who puts everything online, which I think may have been my college adviser’s exact words when I was on my student paper. Just kidding. But I am used to flying under the radar, but I guess if you’re referenced on a Wikipedia page and have been quoted/linked in an alternative newspaper (thanks, Kate!), there’s just no staying invisible anymore.

It’ll be 10 years in, come April 21. Don’t believe me? Check out my terribly written, somewhat flirtatious and very immature sounding first post. Ugh, I know. I sound like a 14-year-old. Funny thing is, I was 20! Oy. And even though there are few blogs that have lasted this long — my role model sites Kottke and Maganda.org, thankfully, have continued — is there really anything I can do to mark this milestone? I don’t think so. It’s not like I have the active audience that, oh, Blogging.la or Franklin Avenue have, and its just as well. I’m really flaky when it comes to doing stuff with other bloggers, anyway. Plus, what am I going to get everyone to do? Go horseback riding? Hiking? Heheh. I don’t think so. I think we should all just be glad that I haven’t gotten dooced (especially since I was so close just two and a half years ago) and that I haven’t gotten burned out — which I got pretty close to, too, not long ago. Hey, putting your life online for everyone to comment on isn’t as easy or fun as it sounds.

In fact, what made me start thinking about all this is the fact that dooce is up for several Bloggies. It’s about damn time, in my opinion. But more than that, I kind of admire her for continuing to write what she feels, when she feels like it. I admit, I have been managing my posts more, keeping more personal stuff to myself and doing more focused posts on a variety of subjects. Dooce, aka Heather B. Armstrong, continued to use her blog as a personal, digital journal, sort of in keeping with the original purpose of most blogs back in the day — that takes balls.

Ohhhh, and the birthday. Let me tell ya, I almost would love to skip the whole torrid affair. It’s not that I’m unhappy about hitting the big 3-0, not at all. I’m actually happy to be turning 30, and leaving behind what I feel has been a happy, but somewhat tumultuous, unsure, not-quite-confident decade of growing up. Plus, what I have found as I’ve gotten older is that every year gets better. So I’m happy about getting older, even though I don’t quite feel like a grown up just yet. But in a way, I feel as if turning 30 is an occasion to celebrate with friends, and therein lies the problem. I have friends, sure — but they’re either a) way the hell across the country or b) flaky as all hell. Heh. I’m really hoping Trinity simply plans a nice weekend out of town so I can’t be home to reflect on how flaky my friends are and think about how without Friendster, Myspace or Facebook, my friends wouldn’t remember I was turning 30.

I have more to write, yeah, but I think I’m spent for the night.