my elephant

I have a confession.

First let me give you some background. When I was a reporter and editor at Cal State Fullerton’s Daily Titan, I really took to deadlines and writing stories and interviewing people and trying to help people understand a complicated subject. It was a step up in work-related adrenaline rushes (I used to decorate weddings for my mom, and we would have between one and six hours to throw together the church and reception and make it a wedding wonderland). But I’m beginning to wonder, now that I’m married and children are on the radar (not on my radar for another five years, at least, but you never know what might happen), if newsrooms can really give me what I need – a steady paycheck that won’t make me crazy for the rest of my life.

I mean, the industry is undergoing some major changes – circulation is down, scandals are up, and everyone agrees that while the work might be awesome, the working environment is pretty bad. I feel almost traitorous in doing so, but one of the past four job interviews I went on was for a position at Pepperdine University’s alumni magazine. And believe me, I know it would have been an easy job, but I feared that I would have been bored with it (plus, the commute to Malibu everyday would have made me crazy). It didn’t matter anyway, since I didn’t get the job, but now, I’m contemplating applying for another PR-type job.

I feel a little crazy, yes. I mean, someone tell me that things are going to get better and that I shouldn’t lose faith in journalism – the one career/concept that could truly make a difference, by bringing down corrupt monoliths and uplifting noble souls who didn’t seek the spotlight. I mean, OK, I didn’t doubt that I would possibly one day end up in PR, since good PR is good for those who are older, at the tail-end of their careers, close to retirement.

*sigh* But I’ve already been through so much, and I wonder if I really should be trying to swim upstream after already conquering so many obstacles.

I guess it just goes to show that I wasn’t really in the business for the writing, but rather for the journalism.