I am learning the hard way not to assume anything in life.On a tangent, I find it interesting that I begin entries with some dramatic line like the above, more and more often. My style of writing is evolving more and more to resemble journalism, uh, loosely. The above can be akin to a lede, which would then segue into a nut graf. Of course, this is not a nut graf; this is a tangent.

Anyway. I think that being unemployed for so long was both good and bad for me. It was good for me in that I’ll never undervalue any job ever again. That is a virtue in itself. But it was bad for me in that it undermined my self-esteem for so long. I don’t know what God’s plan was, but was it really necessary for me to be turned down for nearly every job I went out for until I got my current gig? Was I so proud that I needed to be cut down to size in such a drastic way? i don’t know. I’ll probably never know. But in undermining my self-confidence, I’m making stupid mistakes. Stupid, idiotic, newbie mistakes I obviously shouldn’t be making. I shouldn’t assume I can use a person’s first initial. I shouldn’t assume that because three other drivers who were let go after hitting a pedestrian, the fourth guy would be let go, too. I shouldn’t assume that because things were happening in one way up to a point, they would continue tha way. I shouldn’t assume anything in life.

It makes for some pretty cynical living. I have a headache just thinking about it. In fact, I haven’t been able to sleep for about the last hour because of this statement. If I were to take this to heart, I can’t assume the love of my family and would have to constantly reconfirm it. I couldn’t assume the love of NSN Guy, and that would make me a pretty annoying girlfriend. I wouldn’t be able to assume the trust of old friends, and again, that would make me the most insufferable person alive.

In fact…. when does assumption become trust? And when does trust become belief? Does belief ever become fact, something that no longer needs to be assumed, but just is? Is it possible for any of that to meld into each other to simply be love?

I think I need to sleep, but I really don’t know what will put me to sleep at this point. Damn, I need to be up at 6:30 a.m.